Not 'decisions and dissertations'

I remember thinking to myself about an hour ago, "Hmm, I should definitely name today's blog post Decisions and Dissertations. It will make perfect sense."

But I'm afraid I've forgotten what I was meaning by decisions. What decisions have I had to make recently? Or is there something I have to choose in the near future? I can think of a number of little things, but nothing that might have sparked the need for me to specify decisions in the blog title!

So today was the first day back at uni. It's not really a proper start, merely an introductory meeting regarding third year - changes to submission procedures, quick hello to our personal tutors, that sort of thing. Lectures don't start until next week, and as they will be "Welcome to the course" lectures, tutorials (and the proper workload) won't start until the week after. Probably. So we've got a few weeks to ease into things.

A few days ago I felt like this:

I now feel more like this:

*Sigh*.

Having spent most of the summer feeling fairly relaxed about life and certain that this year is going to go swimmingly (because I'm going to do so much work in advance and get everything out of the way and be on top of everything and... yeah, no.), I'm now no longer feeling like that.

I have just one year left in university, and I remember how scarily quickly last year went by. This year I not only have to pass my exams (with hopefully good grades), but write a dissertation and come up with a plan for once I graduate. The only thing that is certain is that I'll have a house until the end of July. After that, if I can't find the money, I have to move out of London. And that is something I do not want to do. I think.

So... decisions. What decisions do I have to make?

The first one, weird as it might sound, is what order to read books in. Yeah, I know, that shouldn't be top of the list. But in a two metre radius of me, there are 8.5 unread books and a kindle with about 50 unread books on it. Slightly further away is a bookshelf with more unread books on it.

So there are four types of books I could read. There are those relevant to my dissertation, those non-fiction books I read for general interest, fiction I read for fun, and the book I have to read for my mother-daughter book club (members: me and my mother. That's it.). I'm in the middle of reading Fasting Girls (because I took a break and read Henry VIII), but after that I'm unsure what to read. Should I start reading stuff for my dissertation? But if I do that, I might not read the chapters for the Feminist Book Club in time, or Still Alice - the book I'm reading with my mum. Yeah, I know. They're all really cheery subjects. But they're interesting.

I also have a book I took out of the uni library today: Practising Identities: Power and Resistance edited by Sasha Roseneil and Julie Seymour. That I can have for a week, and is both a dissertation and a general interest book.

I have too many books. That's what I'm taking from this. Far gone are the days where I could receive a book, read it, then wait a week or so before getting a new one (re-reading old ones in the meantime). I now have more books I want to read than days in the year.

Anyway, other decisions?

I suppose picking what societies to join this year counts as a decision. I want to join some for two main reasons - firstly to show that I've had interests and done something about them, and second to meet new people. I'm in my third year living in London and I still only really talk to my house-mates and ex-flatmate. The way things in first and second year turned out, I just didn't meet that many people or see the same people enough times to strike up a friendship. It happens. But I'd like to socialise a bit more.

So I have to pick things that don't ask too much of me so that I can keep them up, and that are relevant to my interests. There have been a number that I want to look into, more than I can do. These included Film, Theatre, Backstage, Writers, Sign Language (this one I will do the lessons but not the socialising), Gender and Feminism, Hiking and Walking, and that's without me having been to the society fair yet! It's going to be a tough decision. Some might end up clashing with each other, so obviously there I'll just pick the one I prefer.

I will be sociable this year though. I will.

My final decision is the big one... what do I want to do when I finish university, and how can I prepare for it?

This isn't really a decision to be made - I think I already know. Whilst I toy with the idea of doing a MSc in Medical Anthropology (preferably at either Oxford or Amsterdam), I know I'm not going to go into healthcare or academia. There's nothing career-related about me doing a master's, only interest-related. I know not everything has to be career-related - in fact almost nothing I've ever done has been in pursuit of a job, but it's a lot of money to pay and a year out of my life, and for seemingly no reason? If I'm still interested in the subject there's no reason why I have to stop reading anthropology books / papers.

Maybe I'm just apprehensive about leaving anthropology behind. I have really enjoyed my degree, and it has been instrumental in shaping the way I view the world. But how much am I going to use anthropology afterwards? If the answer is not much, have I wasted several years? I know university isn't just about the academic experience but the social experience, but as already stated that hasn't been wonderful.

I think I'd like to go into TV and film production. I miss being involved in productions, whether that be helping organise them, being back stage, performing in them (music / theatre / dance), anything. I've enjoyed the few occasions I've worked with friends to create little films (don't judge - it was written, filmed and edited in four hours one slightly-bored afternoon on holiday many years ago), discussed creative projects, advised on the editing of some of their videos. But I don't know exactly what I want to do in production. I'm not one of those people who has had an overwhelming desire to be a writer (although I have written things and want to turn some of my ideas into published stories one day), nor a director, nor a film editor etc. I am very aware that there are hundreds of jobs in production, but those are "careers" with ways to show your interest and develop your skill. Interested in being a writer? Write something. Interested in being a director? Direct short films. But just "being involved"? That's a tricky one.

So I'm going to apply to get on the BBC PTP at the end of the year, with the hopeful goal of getting onto their Production Trainee Scheme. It'll be super-competitive though, and I need to prove the following:

You will have a drive to be creative and demonstrable evidence of your passion for using media to tell stories.
Must haves: Evidence of your passion for telling stories
Evidence of your organisational ability
The willingness and ability to work flexibly.

So... using media to tell stories. I have a project in mind that could show that... a small Youtube TV series that H and I have been discussing for ages. I would very much like to get some of the episodes made! How else can I do this? Evidence of passion for telling stories... I think that means I need to write some more. Housemate L suggested I give them a link to some of the fanfiction I've written in previous years, but erm, No. I don't think we'll be doing that. Unless I made a creative writing blog and included both fanfiction and original work? That way I'd be sure to have more content. So long as there's enough original stuff they probably won't judge me too much for the fanfiction? I like what I've written, but I'm not sure how appropriate it would be.

I think the best way for me to show evidence of organisational ability would be to get a job and to keep this blog regularly updated. Yes? Obviously what would be best is if I got a role in one of the societies I join that helps with the organisation, but I doubt they'll change those roles around soon enough for it to make a difference.

So there's many things to think about. Life seems to be speeding up and I have far too much to do.

This is me.

So there we go. Hopefully back to / starting regular posts again. I should have one up on Wednesday and another up on Friday, but we'll see how we go. Until then, adiós mis amigos.

Update: I just realised I spent this entire post talking about decisions, and not about dissertation. The dissertation was mainly linked to the books - I need to get a move on with reading and research!